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Well here I am again, lost in my own translation.
I�cant get the smell of you off me, even the purity of water cant wash you away.
Your� scent permetly incoded in my shirt, the hot water and creamy lavender cant wash it off, the flame from the dryer and burn it off.
An irreversible aruoma, as unchanging as the past.
Reliving the nights we spent together, cuddled under the covers, our fingers intertwined as my shields are slowly let down.
Completely at ease, I find myself being able to do things that I never though I could do, coming out of the shell seeing the first signs of life.
You cant show that kind of compassion with out it meaning anything, you may not see yourself that great, the flaws you have is all you can see but I�see there is somethign more, weither you can see it or not. �
my water has been shut off for years, my past slowly coming back to haunt me and the only shelter in the pouring rain I am in is around you.
I stand out in a crowd only because I stand way from it, then you come up and slowly drag me in, one little party at a time, I have been taking big steps with short strides, my feet never wanting to move but some how I contuine to take strides towards you. You deny me what I really want, but still satify some needs...

Yeah i am done with this...its going no where, but ill stil post it though its meaning is right there....i just cant conuinte to write it, ineed to walk my dog and getthe fuck up out of this house and I need to stop wearing this shirt cause it only depreses me andthis is what you get when i wear this shirt....I want to get the smell out but then I would be losing everything I have and who knows when I get to have it again,� so I am done, sucky ass poem but whatever. I miss him, even though I was with him yesterday morning and could seehim any time...this is odd for me.

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Hey. So thereapos;s this guy...weapos;ve been going out for over 8 months. But the thing is, I met him online, and now I usually only talk to him on the phone. Itapos;s great because I really do love him..but the distance..it just getapos;s to me. Way too much. I dwell on the fact that he lives states away and I canapos;t "BE" with him, ya know? Itapos;s hard...but I know itapos;s worth it. People always say that teenagerapos;s canapos;t be in love because they donapos;t know what it is. First of all the teenapos;s that say their in love and then it turns out badly, they donapos;t know what their talking about. They donapos;t know what love is. But see Iapos;m experiencing it, for real, and I know it because...you just know. And anyone in love can understand that. Itapos;s weird...like...when I think about him, I get so sad because he lives so far away and I canapos;t be with him physically, in person. But at the same time...I get so happy, just to know heapos;s there, and heapos;s mine, and he loves me just as I love him, and heapos;ll always be there. I�just hate it when people say that teenapos;s canapos;t love, or long-distance relationships never work out. It pisses me off because the people who usually say that are the people that havenapos;t fallen in love, or have never had a long-distance relationship.�And I hope that some of those people read this so they know. And believe me.

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Well, itapos;s been a productive day at least back here in Shenandoah. I did my run this morning, even though I only packed shorts and a t-shirt and nothing warm to run in. Unfortunately, thatapos;s what I get for being in a hurry when I packed. Did 3 miles and it felt pretty good.

Went to the farm to tag my Christmas tree and itapos;s PERFECT Now, all I have to do is wait until the end of November or early December to get it YAAAY Iapos;ll have more time to enjoy it this year which is a plus.

A quick bite to eat at a local Mexican restaurant with Jim was a good chance to catch up, followed by pedicures with Mom and a trip to the local mall. Let me tell you, Iapos;ve never seen a mall where I think we were the ONLY two people there My Dadapos;s here going crazy getting things ready and cooking for tomorrow. Should be fun

I honestly canapos;t wait until the next few weeks though, it sounds like (hopefully) a group of us may be scoping out some haunted places in the area. YAY

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So i applied for leave of uni yesterday
so i donapos;t need to try and work full time hrs and study two subjects DE next semester, it is a bit of a relief, except, iapos;m not sure itapos;ll go through.
iapos;m not even sure iapos;d be allowed to take one of the subject again... Itapos;ll be the third time.
did i disappoint people? yea, have i told everyone? no, dad still hasnapos;t been told, not that i remember anyway. I disappointed myself the most. But itapos;s ok. Cause itapos;s not the end of the world.
iapos;ve not got my bachelor so i canapos;t do my DIP ED, heck even when i get it, chances are with 3 Fapos;s on my transcripts, i wonapos;t get accepted into the Dip. Ed.
iapos;ll try eventually anyway, it occurs to me i was in too much of a rush anyway. That is, if by the time i finish my ba i still want to do it, though, iapos;m tempted to leave my BA as it is.
i donapos;t need to have all my uni done by the time iapos;m 25.
glenn was 28 before he even decided he wanted to do uni and do photography.
he finished when he was 31 and straight away, cause of his skill and hopw much he built his name up here during uni, he got a job at the paper (the border mail)

i never wanted a job at a paper, iapos;ve never wanted to do weddings, though i am tempted to dabble jsut for the fact itapos;s quick money...
sigh i over cooked the chips cause i was writing. :(
ohwell
new resolution is to save harder, spend less, so i can actually move on somewhere else, perth is number one on my list.... Very expensive though.
and in the distant future because of the cost of living so, iapos;ll be here for a looooooong time. But i tend to live for a looooong time :)
so, my rush has slowed to a steady, almost relaxing "live in the present" state.

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Got together as a group and did the problems. All of them -- even the ones we werenapos;t sure on- Started at 4.20. Didnapos;t finish until almost eight. One of our group decided to do other homework -- yeah, sure, and you think weapos;ll give you the answers, huh. The rest of the class formed their own little group. Either they had the problem sets from previous years -- From Kappa Psi -- or they didnapos;t finish. Weapos;re not sure, but we wouldnapos;t be surprised if they used sheets from previous years

Turns out I donapos;t HAVE to do the ethics homework. I need to only do to two of the three. Should skip it? ::grin:: Maaaaaaaybe

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SO MY LIFE IS GOING ALRIGHT. I MADE THE CHOICE TO COME UP TO NMU, NOT SURE IF IT WAS THE RIGHT ONE, ACTUALLY I DONT THINK IT WAS. MIGHT GO TO MCC NEXT SEMESTER. I JUST HATE BEING SO FAR AWAY AND BEING IN THIS TINNY TINNY ASS ROOM ITS SO ANNOYING. BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE

IM HAPPY. IM SOO HAPPY. I CAN FINALLY AFTER A FEW YEARS SAY THAT I AM HAPPY. TODAY I SMILED SO MUCH :) ITS REALLY GOOD TO BE THIS HAPPY AGAIN. ITS HARD AT TIMES, BUT I KNOW IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT IN THE END.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE HAPPIER WITH MY PARENTS AND MY FRIENDS AS WELL. I FOUNDOUT WHO MY TRUE ONES ARE AND THEY ARE HERE TILL THE END I KNOW THAT WITH NO DOUBT IN MY MIND.

BOTTOM LINE.

IM HAPPY.
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Itapos;s a good day.

I wonder how long it will last?

I often wonder that.

I have a huge pain that is in my shoulder and neck and am out of pt. I�know I�need massive pt and there is nothing I can do about it except ice and heat and do what I�do the pt guys do for all the other people that looked like they had what I�might have.

Other then that I feel great.


Iapos;m really happy that I�can figure out whatapos;s wrong with me physically and fix it.

Itapos;s an awesome strength to have.

Iapos;m making it a goal to focus on my strengths.

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